Cole Tyler

The sky has quickly darkened, the swell rapidly grown, and the wind angrily picked up. We are on the verge of rounding Cape Horn.  Starting to get wild out there!  Gotta go help out.

 

Before I go, I will leave you with a phrase my grandfather used to say;

 

“Time on my brow has sit his seal,

            And I start; to find myself a man.”

                                               

 

I love you

 

Cole

I can’t call and I think I’d rather write so here goes . . .

From the journal that Tierney first gave me in Hermosa Beach to the blackberry I bought two weeks ago, I have written a lot about my experiences and my feelings on this journey. My posts haven’t really been directed at anyone in particular, but hopefully anyone who reads them can follow along on my journey, and maybe even be inspired to follow their own dream.  But this letter is different.  I needed to write this letter just for you –

 

 

It took only two weeks around you and I was absolutely sure you were the one. You made me smile. You made me laugh. You comforted my soul.

 

Lying here on my cot, I can embrace for the first time the fact that I am in love. Sure, there will be typical ups and downs that any relationship goes through. But I feel that you and I grew up together. I don’t know much other than football and sailing, but I do know that I love you…and I think you love me.

 

As I’m on the verge of sailing around the famous Cape Horn, I can’t help

but think about you and what I’m going to do and say when we arrive back on

land.

 

Knowing these few days will be the most dangerous of our trek, I understand I may not make it back to say these words. So, if I don’t make it, I hope that this journal makes its way back to Dalton, back to my friends and family who can do me the honor of reading this journal to you. Whether it’s Connor, Jackson, Brady, or some random passerby, I ask that it be read slowly… and read passionately. Practice it if you have to (jk)…But speak to her, talk to her, and comfort her as you read.

 

During my entire life, I can’t think of one thing that I have asked for; one thing I just had to have.

 

On the verge of this great triumph, I find myself only wanting one thing… to see your smile one more time.

 

Oh, how I can picture it.

 

But it isn’t just the smile; it’s what comes with it.

 

From the loud laugh about to occur and the immediate reaction of your hands as they go directly to your mouth…to how your hair moves just a little when you smile. Oh, if I was there right now, I’d get you to smile…

 

…Remember what you asked me before I left?

 

I didn’t know how to answer you then, but I’ve thought about it every day since. And I wish it was as simple as ‘yes’ or ‘no.’

 

But I did find out the answer on this voyage. I finally know.

 

I know that I want you to join me on a greater journey, a longer journey, a shared journey.

 

We’ll see each other soon and when we do, I only ask you for one thing; to see your smile.

 

Love Always,

 

Cole

 

 

About a day off Cape Horn and there are a flock of seagulls above the ship — they are a sign that we are nearing the Edge of the Earth.

 

Not sure what will happen as we enter the next few days and when we do get through, I’m not sure I’ll blog immediately. I may take a week and sit on the beach, I may venture back into the ocean, or I may go to see a special someone.

 

Therefore, I leave you all with a thank you for following me, thank you for your support, and thank you for understanding that dreams are meant to be lived and that life, no matter what, will always work out for the best.

I’ve been reflecting on this trip for the past few days and there are so many thoughts going through my mind. From when I wasn’t much more than a nuisance and the crew didn’t accept me to when Captain Carbajal finally approved of me in Columbia. This entire trek has been memorable to say the least.

 

The only regret I have is that we had to go through some tough times to get here, in particular Diego. I’m not sure if that will ever leave my soul, but I kind of don’t want it to.

 

We’re on the precipice of rounding the Horn and I can’t help but think back to being 8 years old and seeing my grandfather’s journal for the first time and formulating this dream. It’s funny, but I can even recall when I learned that once a sailor rounded the Horn he was able to place his elbows on the dinner table.

 

I can also remember the day that I left and by “left” I don’t just mean left home. I left my family, my friends, my life, and Adelaide.

 

I wish she understood why I was leaving at the time, but to be honest, I’m not even sure I understood why I was leaving.

 

You see, I have always wanted to change others, change someone’s life in one fashion or another and I initially thought this trip would allow that to happen. But in reality, the life that’s truly changed on this voyage has been mine.

 

Off to the deck,

 

Cole

 

As I awoke this morning there are no more stops, no more hikes, no more jokes. A sense of seriousness has entered this vessel and the crew can sense the potential danger of Cape Horn as we are a week out.

 

It’s a weird feeling. I’m not nervous, not scared. I actually feel ready.

 

Earlier today I was staring off into the Pacific on the starboard side when Captain Carbajal came up to me. His cigar rolled up and eyes squinted tightly, he too gazed into the ocean. He asked me if I was scared, if I was nervous. Unsure what the name of this feeling is inside of me I couldn’t really answer him.

 

And in Oscar-worthy fashion, he took a long puff from his cigar, leaned on the rails and said, “Cole, below forty degrees there is no law; below fifty degrees, there is no God.”

 

And then he walked away.

 

Thanks Cap’t.

Just checked my email and saw this message from Adelaide.  I don’t have much time as the boat leaves soon, so all I can respond with is this –

I’m sorry.

Adelaide, if you read this, I’m sorry.  That’s all I can say.  I hope you can believe me when I tell you I’m not trying to play with your emotions.  I just have to do this.  For me.  If I don’t, I won’t ever be the man you want anyway.  I’ll always be looking over my shoulders thinking “what if?”

I’m off to the boat.  I hope you will give me the opportunity to explain all of this to you one day. 

And for those of you following along this saga, I’ve included her email below. 

Adelaide’s email:

You’re coming home?! Are you serious? Is this for real? I read what
happened but…I mean…really? Didn’t expect that after my last
email. Didn’t even want to read your blog ever again. Brady,
understanding my feelings after everything that has happened, insisted
I read the December 21st entry. I don’t know what to think. What am I
supposed to say? I want nothing more than to welcome you home with
open arms and have things go back to the way they were but things are
different now. Just when I come to terms with the fact that you are
not coming home to me and I have started to move on, you tell me you
are coming home. WHAT THE “F” COLE?!!!!!!! IT’S NOT FAIR! WHY? I
mean…I read every entry. I am sorry about the death of your young
friend. I know you have been running into a lot of trouble the past 2
weeks and I thank the heavens above that you are alive and ok. I don’t
know what I would do if anything ever happened to you. I don’t even
want to think about “what if” situations. You mean the world to me. It
doesn’t exist in my mind. I can’t wait to see your face in front of me
but I don’t know what I will do. Should do. Embrace you and kiss you
all over? Slap you across the face and kick you in the nuts? I am
confused. Angry, frustrated, sad, you name it! Why now? I mean…I read
the entries, but WHY? Why did you ever leave me? WHY? WHY? WHY? And
you lost your phone. And you said you aren’t doing any more entries.
Are you even going to get this? I’m in the dark Cole! Were you able to
get a flight? How long will it take you to get home? I miss you so
much! The longer this email gets, the more excited I am becoming. We
do need to talk about things when you get back. There have been some
changes. I want you to know that I love you. I know that you know
that. I just need to let you know again. If you get this, please call
me ASAP! Be safe. See you soon!!!! Adalaide.

Happy Holidays to all of you!  Even though I’m “on my own” during this holiday season, I have managed to meet some great people and have had some amazing conversations and experiences with them.  What more could I ask for? 

 

I have to finish this cool story that I’ve been posting about . . .

 

After hearing my long story about Gramps, Maya and I finally sat down on the beach and watched the wave’s crash against the shore. They were uncommonly loud this particular evening.

 

Maya was captured by the story and stated the obvious, “So your grandfather sailed around Cape Horn and that’s why you are attempting to do the same, right?”

 

Not exactly. Thus, I then had to explain that there was more to the Cape than just his story at the dinner table.

 

As my grandfather completed his trip around Cabos de Hornos, he contacted his wife from Puerto Williams, the largest port city near Cape Horn. When he called her she told him that she was 8 months pregnant and was having difficulties. Angry that she never told him, but understanding that he had to quickly get home, Gramps got on the next flight out of Chile.

 

When he landed in our hometown 36 hours later he arrived to Clare in labor. Their child, my Dad, was successfully born, but Clare’s health was in danger.

 

There were a large amount of complications due to her pregnancy and as you may have imagined, she passed away two days after achieving her lifelong dream of having a child.

 

Gramps was not exactly the world’s greatest father as he was relatively clueless when it came to how to raise a kid and he buried himself in his job of running his and Clare’s Bed and Breakfast. So he raised his son in a strict mode and in a fashion where he never shared his stories from the sea. Thus, my Dad, who was a dreamer, never got to actualize those thoughts.

 

After telling Maya the back-story on my grandfather I felt some connection with her. Thankfully, she began to tell me about her career, family, and life back home in Cape Towne as it seemed as I was doing all of the talking. 

 

Off for now. 

Cole

Just docked in Ecuador for a day layover. Have been reading the Lonely Planet; A Backpackers Guide to Ecuador and there are some cool things around here. A nearby village, is said to be “…as poverty stricken a village as there is in South America. Almost two-thirds of its residents live in poverty and human rights are non-existent.” Wild huh?

 

Anyway, I’m sitting here on the boat as the crew disembarks. Six members of the crew have family here and Captain Carbajal was cool enough to let us hang until tomorrow at midnight.

 

Raphael was born outside of the city of Manta. He told me last night that it has been 4 years since he left Ecuador, thus 4 years since he last saw his younger brother and sister. He said he “never knew his parents,” but I don’t quite believe that.

The Wind gods have answered and we are pushing along at a quick pace. Should arrive in Ecuador by mid-morning.

Cole

 

 

 

   …As I said before the wind hauled to the S.E. and before daylight it blowed very hard. We took in all sail except a close reefed mail topsail, because we had no other storm sail bent at the time. Toward the evening of the 19^th the gale increased to a hurricane with heavy rain and raised by the terrific force of the wind. It was impossible to tell whether it was rain or spray because the sea ran mountains high and every time the ship yawned by the wind and got into the trough of the sea, the waves broke over us in such a fearful manner immerging the ship entirely for 20 to 30 seconds at a time. The clouds were very thick and heavy and appeared to touch the mastheads. They turned day into night and night into darkness.

     The men were all called aft for fear the forecastle would be washed overboard. During the worst part of the gale we were all busy in getting up tackle to secure our masts for the ship was rolling very heavily and we had all made up our minds to see them go with every roll and only because of the skillful work of our Captain we would have lost them. At 7 o’clock in the evening the wind increased to such a terrific extent that she would not have her bitts any longer. The Captain ordered to have it goosewinged which is done by hauling up the weather side and make it fast with gaskets the remaining part of the sail looks then like the wing of a bird. It is the last resort seamen have resource to save their spars and is one of the most dangerous and trying maneuvers at sea and will show what kind of stuff a man is made of. I never saw it performed but once before and hope I may never have to see it again.

     The gale continued in its fury until 2 o’clock in the morning of the 20^th with it died away a calm following all in a moment the sea becoming smooth in equally as quick a time. This is very seldom the case and presages anything but good weather, for when the wind and waves abate at the same time and so suddenly after a heavy gale, it invariably follows that the wind will turn round in the opposite direction and blow the same gale back again. After the gale a dead calm reigned for about an hour; everybody was looking over the bulwarks scanning the horizon while the Captain was watching every movement of the clouds in order to find out how to lay the yards for the reception of the second edition of the gale. We all expected it and made no sail. The ship was pitching sluggishly at the mercy of the sea and sort of painful and melancholy silence prevailed fore and aft during the calm. At 3 A.M., a light breeze sprang up from the S.W. which soon veered around to the N.W. just allowing us time enough to brace the yards around when it came down upon us with a vengeance continuing about 12 hours when it moderated a little and we made sail on ship and put the wheel up and steered away to the S.E.

     We had the wind nearly aft and plenty of it making rapid progress to the South and, as we were now rapidly approaching the tropics, the weather became warm and pleasant. The past gale gave us all a good shaking up bringing our sea legs into use, and we became acquainted with each other forgetting our unhappiness all dwelling on the happy thought that this would be his last voyage, all sailors being alike declaring that every voyage is his last one. Strong and good resolutions are passed for the future everyone undergoing a serious reflection of his passed follies so that in these sober moments a general reformation takes place; no more liquor is to be touch fast women forgotten, and in fact a new leaf is turned over by one and all. How easy it is to make a virtue out of necessity and how natural it is to make resolutions when long enough removed from these vices which our own senses teach us to be in the end of our ultimate ruin. What a pity that memory is so short that even the sight of one of these old scenes will cause us to forget our past miseries and

that our minds are too weak and unstable to resist the temptation of again indulging in the old habits. Such, however, is the run of the world that it has truly been said by the poet, “Resolve and reabsolve and then die the same.”

 

I’m off to bed.

Cole