Cole Tyler

So Adelaide and I have reconnected and for some small reason I don’t think that she’s the biggest fan of me right now. At least she is still the incredibly passionate girl I’ve always known. Check out the e-mail she sent yesterday…I hope it at least offers you a little insight, if not humor, as you read this blog.

 

Crashed last night in the hostel as I was exhausted. I haven’t talked to either of the Columbian men and Isaac and Carbajal have been in their own little world, I feel like I need to get away for a bit. Am excited to get out and explore a little bit.

 

Here’s Adelaide’s letter . . .

 

Cole,

 

I do not have any words that can express how I feel or have felt since you left.

 

Left me.

 

I found out about your blog and I must say, nice job. I don’t think anyone wanted to be the one to tell me, but you had to know it would get to me eventually. Andy to Brady to Sydney to everyone back home as it might as well be in the local newspaper. It’s kind of funny as I didn’t think it was even possible but I managed to make myself feel even worse by reading it.

 

Really, I don’t even know why I am contacting you. You ruined us. You ruined me. You killed me inside…I guess I now know what writer’s block is as I just can’t find the right words to explain how big of a selfish asshole I think you really have proven yourself to be.

 

f u cole

 

 

 

 

Adelaide.

Docked in Columbia and just got an email from my Mom. Thought you might enjoy as Steve Rosecrans liked what my Pops said….

 

Cole,

 

Happy Thanksgiving! We miss you and love you. Your father is living vicariously through you, even though he won’t admit it. Keep writing and get home soon. Andy is reading this blog more than his English books, but yes, he’s reading! Your blog has improved his reading and his Learning Disability teacher said his autism is improving. Oh, Adelaide and I went out for lunch last week. She has not forgotten about you.

 

Love Always,

 

Mom

Happy Thanksgiving

 

We are about 5 miles off the coast of Columbia. I think there are issues with docking at the port, but I can’t really understand Spanish and this crew is speaking a mile a minute. From what I’ve gathered we’ll be in Columbia tomorrow.

 

I’ve never been a big holiday guy as I always had a game in college on this weekend and Adelaide and I went to the Keys last year for Turkey Day…but for some reason I find my thoughts drifting back home.

 

Will talk later,

 

Cole

A legend around our town, my mom is basically Adelaide at 49 years old.  She stands at 5’5’’ with dirty blond hair.  She bounces from the office to Yoga class to her evening walk to the high school and back every day.

 

When I was a kid she was completely protective.  The rule was not to be in when the streetlights turned on, but before the streetlights turned on.  I had a curfew that was earlier than Connor, Jackson, and Brady but for whatever reason she let me go on a date with Adelaide when I was 14 ½.

 

As a kid she always told me to ‘Dream Impossible Dreams’ and that I could do whatever in life that I wanted, but I’m not sure if she really thought I would buy into that train of thought completely.

 

She grew up in the same town we live in now, was the star cheerleader in high school, and has more relatives in a 12-mile radius than any person on the planet.

 

As she is the most loving person I know, she may love Adelaide a little too much and was not supportive of our breakup.

 

Oh man, I gotta go –the Captain is calling me.

 

Cole

My dad emailed me after reading my last entry.  I’ve decided to include his letter in this post (hope you don’t mind too much Dad), as it really helped explain some of my father’s and my relationship issues.  I’ve got to say that since I’ve been on this adventure I’ve felt a great connection to my Gramps, but after reading my Dad’s email, I’ve truly never felt so close to him as I do now.   

Cole,

Have been reading your blog as your mother tells me the moment a new entry is up. Im not the worlds greatest typer as this may take me all night to do, but I feel it is time for me to tell you something that I’ve let slip past my tongue.

 

I am proud of you Cole.

 

I always knew you had an adventurous spirit, but I was reluctant to take-on that adventurous side of you because I knew that once it was tapped into, you would follow in the footsteps of your grandfather.

 

And you may think that those footsteps are the blueprint for success, but they are not soles that are perfect. Your grandfather allowed his adventurous and curious mind take him around the world at an age where he should have been at home next to his pregnant wife. Instead, my mother, your grandmother was alone when she gave birth to me and due to the complications of stress never lived to see me or her grandchildren.

 

And while I was hard on you growing up I acted in that accord because I needed to be that presence in your life because that was void in mine.

 

Remember, without discipline you will get nowhere but without life you will die a lonely man.

 

I know you left a lot behind and I cannot say that I agree with your decision, but I am still your father and I love you.

 

Cheers son and good luck,

 

Dad

 

P.S. You did let a good catch get away, but as you can likely see – there are many fish in the sea.

 

Back from working above deck and am sitting at the so-called kitchen table with a glass of wine and my journal. Not a bad night if you ask me. Anyway, back to my Dad.

 

Our relationship never rebounded to what it may have been before Gramps died. Dad has always been one of the hardest workers I’ve ever known. He will wake-up each morning at 5:30 to be sure that the breakfast is laid out for our guests at the Bed and Breakfast and doesn’t call it a night until past 11. Typically, he’ll fall asleep on his brown chair reading a novel, the New York Times, or the Encyclopedia. Yes, he actually reads the Encyclopedia as his father once did.

 

While I was in high school he would never miss a game.  I think he only missed one when I was in college and that was due to a huge storm that tore apart our neighbor’s roof and destroyed a few boats at the docks.

 

When I graduated he never urged me to move home to work at the B&B, but we both knew it was inevitable. My time working at home was ok and I earned decent money, but I feel that he always knew that I would leave, like his Dad did…and interestingly enough, like I think he wishes he had.

 

Off to bed,

 

Cole

On the sea and it has been quite pleasant. An open ocean with the wind at our backs, we are cruising down the Pacific as gracefully as the dolphins that jump by our side. As the smooth salt water spouts up from behind our sail, Isaac and Captain Carbajal have been talking more and more by the day. Our crew is a bit smaller this trip as it consists of us three plus two other Columbian men who apparently work for the owner of the boat. The story is that the owner is a rich and powerful man in Columbia, but I doubt I’ll ever meet him so who really cares.

 

Therefore, I’ve been spending a great deal of time on this leg of the journey alone, but with that alone time I’m able to observe Isaac and Carbajal mend what I will dub a disastrous relationship. While I have yet to learn a single thing about their relationship I do know that 1 – it was horrible prior to this trip and 2 – it often reminds me of my father and me.

 

As a child my Dad and I were inseparable as we would play ball in the backyard as I would force him to throw me ‘diver’ after ‘diver.’ But after Gramps died our relationship changed, or at least my Dad did.

 

Back later as I’ve got to trim the sail.

 

Cole

It’s just after midnight and I just got back from walking around town with Isaac. He is a well-educated man who has passion for what he teaches. For two hours he told me of the culture of Mexico and Central America.  He told me about Panama and how it was defined as the cultural area in Mesoamerica where various pre-Columbian societies flourished. The history of the Mayan civilization captured me the most. It was widely considered to be the most sophisticated and beautiful of the ancient New World. The turquoise blue that it is notorious for is also my Mom and Adelaide’s favorite color. While I was unaware of it until Isaac told me, a painting that has been in our home since I was a child was of Mayan decent and the bracelet that I gave Adelaide for our last Christmas together was Mayan art.

 

As I walked in the sand and listened to Isaac speak of Mesoamerica and Mayan architecture, I was comparing everything he said to Adelaide. He spoke of the powerful distinctions of Mayan art and I thought of Adelaide’s distinct smile. He spoke of how each piece of Mayan art was said to have been spiritual in nature and I thought of the spiritual connection Adelaide and I have. He told me how Mayan art is very ritualistic and I almost burst into laughter as I remembered our ritual of having to kiss before every football game in high school under the bleachers (I know, I’m a loser).

 

The most impressive thing of all that Isaac told me regarding the Mayan art was that the Mayan’s did not have any tools or pottery wheels to create their art but they still managed to create highly detailed and beautiful pieces. And while most of the art depicted gods, rulers, heroes, religion, and daily life their main focus of art was that of human figures.

 

When I asked him what happened to the artworks he told me that most of it didn’t survive, but that some pottery and ceramics had made it through serendipitously.

 

…and Serendipity is Adelaide’s favorite movie. 

 

I think this trip and coming face-to-face with other people and cultures has made me take a long, hard look at my own life, the special people in it, and evaluate my own reality, my “normal.”  

 

Heading to Columbia…

 

Cole

Back at the kiosk after wandering the streets all afternoon and I feel it’s time for me to admit something; I miss Adelaide.

 

I really do. I miss her smile, her laugh, the way she looks at me when she’s annoyed, everything. And I’m not homesick or wishing I made a different choice…I just miss her.

 

When we were in college it was hard to stay together and the distance ultimately became a factor, but when things would get tough I always remember thinking back to our first date.

 

Now I must preface this with the open-ended statement that I accept my dorkiness, but our first date was at our high school football field.

 

I was 14, Adelaide 13 ½. We were both freshman in high school and we walked from the edge of our little town to our high school (about 1.5 miles). On the way, I took her to Scoops for ice cream where she got the vanilla/chocolate swirl on a sugar cone and I purchased straight-up vanilla on a wafer cone. After walking and eating I told her that I wanted to take her somewhere special.

 

Special to Adelaide likely meant something more than the high school football field, but at the time it was the most special place in the world to me as I was starting on varsity. So to the 50 yard line we went.

 

After jumping the fence the two of us went hand in hand down the middle of the field. I wore my lettermen’s jacket and she wore her cheerleading jacket.  We were both nervous. As we walked we didn’t say one word as the moonlight guided us. At mid-field we stopped and faced each other as the one flickering streetlamp provided two long illuminated shadows down the white-lined field.

 

As I stood there nervously I distinctly remember running my hand through my hair, it getting stuck as I had way too much LA Looks in, and grasping both of Adelaide’s hands before speaking to her. “I, I uh…had a really good time tonight.”

 

Adelaide looked up at me first, her hair pulled back tightly in a ponytail, before she shyly looked away and said, “Me too.”

 

It was then when I made my move and pulled her in a little closer, cupped my hands around her cheeks, and as time stood still our long illuminated shadows leaned in for what would be our first kiss.

 

And the spot that supposedly meant the world to me ended up proving to be much more than the 50 yard line of a high school football field. It was where my heart met its partner, its potential soul mate, its best friend.

 

And that memory, that moment, has remained stamped in my heart and I only hope that while I sit in an internet Kiosk in Panama that kiss on the 50 and everything those few seconds embodied is somewhere near Adelaide thoughts.

 

I never thought it would be this hard, but like someone, somewhere said, you never know what you have until it’s gone.

 

I hope she’s not gone.

 

Cole

 

p.s. Here’s a picture of her as some of the comments have asked what she looks like.

Adelaide

Sitting in a kiosk where I just hung with one of the boys who’s sailing with us, Nate. He noticed me checking out www.coletyler.com and offered his help. He obviously knows what he is doing with computers and actually made me feel like an idiot for not utilizing the options available with my blog.  He offered to help me out which should make my posts more appealing and readable, thus attracting more visitors. I’m not sure if the changes he suggested will bring more people to the site, but we shall see. 

It doesn’t look too difficult, and you should know by now that I am always up for a challenge.

 

More later,

Cole